The Parley P. Pratt 2005 Wilhelm Christmas Classic

The Parley P. Pratt 2005 Wilhelm Christmas Classic
Originally uploaded by Theorris.

Your faithful Utah correspondant, Theorris Boonasty has little time to write in between holiday merry-making, so he will only be able to give a brief summary of The Parley P. Pratt 2005 Wilhelm Christmas Classic (PPP2005WCC). The crew chose the Ritz Classic in scenic downtown South Salt Lake City for this year's venue. Unlike the McCracken Classic no one was invited but four actually showed up due to a convergence in the force, or perhaps it was just a convergence in the beer.

The first games was masterfully rolled by all although your correspondant regularly complained of too long of pants, too tight of underwear and a shoe that would not stay laced. This lead him to devious trickery and attempts to through his team mates off. He soon learned the error of his ways and was brought back in line when forcefully told that THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN, DAMNIT.
As seen in the illustration to the right the Wilhelmians were forced into "Extreme" bowling (curses!) half-way through the tourney. The Wilheminianites were also uncerimoniously forced to change lanes from an older part (50's) of the Ritz Classic in scenic downtown South Salt Lake City to the newer part of the building (from the 60's). Much gnashing and a small amount of swearing was involved in this move, but, according to lead Wilhelm bowler Da Bone Jah, the move was for the better since "that part of the bowling alley is ghetto and smells like a toilet." Word.

Extreme bowling, for once, improved the correspondant's bowling, and he pulled out game two with a crushing 142. All bowlers, however, held their own and the tourney was a dog race or is that a horse race? Which animal works better? I've always thought that cheetahs would be the ideal creature to race, but I'm sure the image of a small child being picked out of the crowd of on-lookers by the bloodthirsty beast would prevent that from happening.
Game 3 in the dark was fair for all around, although June Bug who was unscrupulously renamed "Sweat Pea" by the usually inerrant Da Bone Jah complained of nausea. She rolled, consequently, her lowest game.

The PPP2005WCC rules (made up halfway through game 2) stipulated that the highest summ total score would be declared the winner and would be allowed to open Christmas presents first. Da Bone Jah, with 3 games of rock solid 130 bowling, took the match with a crushing 40 pin victory. Late JC and your correspondant tied for second and June Bug (Sweat Pea) came within a cheetah's whisker of taking 3rd.

Fuck extreme bowling.

Scores:

Dah Bone Jah: 402
Late JC: 362
Theorris Boonasty: 362
Sweat Pea: 356

See more pictures at flickr. I dare you.